Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Twenty Three

Well! It certainly has been quite a while, hasn't it?
My fault, obviously. Well...sort of. Life certainly didn't "help" at times. I'll spare you the melodramatic details...just know that I sort of involuntarily fell into a "mental vacation" and it took a real effort just to acknowledge the outside world again. I'm still not perfect yet, but, I'm working on it. Really. I'm starting to catch up on emails and I'm slowly convincing folks on Twitter that I'm not dead yet. 
In better news, come March 16-ish, I'll be a mom again. No, this was not planned...much like the last one. I honestly didn't think I was capable of doing it again with my odd body conditions, but, here we are. I'd be lying if I didn't mention my hesitation behind it's been 10 years since I cared for an actual baby, so I'm sure most of that I'll have to relearn again. And also, Joe has been coming up with some real...interesting ideas for baby names, so, I've been trying to be as democratic as I can with that. But, at this rate I'll be at the hospital, calling the poor thing Brick.
I also still don't have a computer of my own yet, so that's certainly not helping much either. Joe's band has been busy lately (they're even sharing a stage with Cannibal Corpse soon!) so, I almost feel guilty for being on his laptop when I know he probably has some tinkering to do. He tells me it's fine, but, still.
As far as drawing and stuff goes, I don't have much of that either. I tried to get into watercolor pencils in the summer, but nothing I did came out how I had it in my head. Apparently, my brain is so hard wired for cartoony things that everything I do looks like a warped Warner Bros reject. And no, not in a good way. More like something a drunk 5th grader might do on a bar napkin. I may post some of it anyway though...y'know, for contrast against the "good" stuff.
I did attempt to write a song right before my birthday though. I did it almost to prove to my husband that I'm not suited for music. He likes to argue constantly that I can write, and that I could do pretty much anything if I just tried. Cliché, I know, but it's true. But I've never been able to capture the simplicity, expressionism and flow that a lot of songwriters I like have. In the end, I'm fairly sure I won the debate. He seemed nonplussed by the result.
Judge for yourselves though. I'm not 100% satisfied with it, but, seeing as how this is only ever the second time I've tried this, it could be a lot worse.


Tie the rope around tight,
Tell me, how does it feel?
Are you quite lost yet?
Have you found the ideal?
One step closer.
Closer to blackened sea
Without hesitation
One step closer to free
Step to the water's edge
Lap you with extol
They don't want your substance
They just want your soul
One step closer
Closer to the blackened sea
Without hesitation
One step closer to free
Free fall into the void
Wither your shell away
Bound bones and silence
Enjoy your endless stay
Can you kiss death and claim her?
She's your master now
Aren't you glad you came?
One step closer
Closer to the blackened sea
Without hesitation
One step closer to free

Until then.